RowTow 2.0

Holy crap, Coco is bitch of the day.  This bitch is Ice-T’s wife!  Don’t be dissin’ her, or Ice-T will get straight up gangster in yo face.  But seriously, who can dis her?  This chick has an absolutely amazing body, and was practically brought to tears at the sight of Ice-T destroying a MacBook with a hammer (she’s filming the whole thing).  Coco is a total intarwebs whore and wants to hear from you.  Why don’t you contact her?

Other than that, uhh, what is there to be said?  Ass and titties?  Yeah, this chick has an absolutely amazing ass.  Holy fucking shit.  And titties, yeah, she has those too, and they are huge.

Let’s see, how about some obligatory material stolen from Wikipedia: Coco began dancing (jazz, tap and ballet) at six years old and was introduced to the stage early by her mother. She was involved in many productions at the Alt Theater in Albuquerque. She then moved into modeling and started entering competitions. At 14, she won the Beverly Hills Studio modeling contest, her first model-search contest. The main prize was a $20,000 scholarship to attend the school, where her classmates included Jessica Alba and Hilary Swank.

So she’s talented!  Gotta love that.  Let’s see what else…

At 18, Coco began specializing in swimsuit, lingerie and body modeling. She entered in swimsuit competitions and modeled for calendars, catalogs and videos. At 18, she won the 1998 Miss Ujena contest in Mexico. In 2001, Coco worked for Playboy for six months, working their events and parties at the Playboy Mansion. She appeared in low-budget R-rated films, including Southwest Babes (2001), Desert Rose (2002), Angel Blade (2002), and The Dirty Monks (2004).

In the beginning of 2005 she married actor/rapper Ice-T. She is frequently seen with him at red carpet events.  Coco has made guest appearances on various TV shows, such as Jamie Kennedy, E! Hip-Hop Wives, Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav, The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. She was featured in a layout in the March 2008 issue of Playboy magazine and had a role in the film Thira (2008). Coco appeared on NBC’s game show Celebrity Family Feud on June 24, 2008 (with winnings donated to charity). She and her husband, Ice-T, competed against Joan and Melissa Rivers.

Here’s a picture gallery for all the pervs out there, after the break.

Continue reading ‘Bitch of the Day: Nicole “Coco” Austin’

This bitch plays Jane on the AMC series Breaking Bad.  Yeah, Breaking Bad rules, and this is their token goth chick.  So I guess I’ve got to have the hots for her by default or something?  Sure.

Well, spoiler alert for you spoiler fags who haven’t been keeping up on the show and don’t want to read about people talking about it.  But turns out she’s a HEROIN JUNKIE.  Oh, and she ODs.  Yeah, she’s dead now.  Aww.  Last episode with her, which is really too bad because she’s way hot.

I didn’t really bother to research her much.  Seems like she’s not that much of a goth in real life, much like Abby.  For shame.  She’s still got a pretty neat look though.
Continue reading ‘Bitch of the Day: Krysten Ritter’

Yet another bitch I probably should’ve made BotD sooner.  Pauley Perrette plays Abby Scuito, the quirky goth forensics expert / hacker bitch on the TV show NCIS.  Her wardrobe reminds me of someone who walks into Hot Topic and buys one of each of their ticky tacky goth shit then puts it all on randomly.  This may have to do with the fact that in real life she’s not much of a goth.

Yeah holy shit, I had no idea, this bitch is talented.  She’s a singer, a writer, a photographer, and got her masters in criminal science.  I guess she had aspirations of being a forensics expert before she wound up playing one on TV.  Pretty absurd.

Oh yeah, and she’s fucking hot… jesus. Peep some more photos after the break. Continue reading ‘Bitch of the Day: Pauley Perrette’

So I guess this is part two in my queens of new media series.  Amanda Congdon isn’t going to be on here, sorry.  She was just some stupid slut who someone else hired to star in their vlog.  She doesn’t count.

This bitch does!  She’s Lisa Donovan, a.k.a. LisaNova.  I guess at some point she appeared on Mad TV (which I haven’t watched in years), but if you’ve heard of her it’s probably from her YouTube channel.  She’s not just on Twitter, she’s a straight up Twitter Whore.

So yeah, she’s hot, and she makes funny videos and stuff.  There ya go.

Edit: Cy reminds me that LisaNova went to CU.  She’s a Boulder bitch!  Or at least she was for awhile.

How is it I’ve never made Felicia Day the Bitch of the Day before?  Wow.  This chick rocks, seriously.

Let’s see, she got her start on Buffy the Vampire Slayer or something.  I’m not really a fan, but I figured I should mention it.

She’s recently gained a lot of attention for her Internet TV series The Guild winning the Streamy Awards.  Fuck yeah!  You rule, Felicia Day.  The Guild is some definite “LOL NERDS” humor, which the Rowtow crew is down with, at least making fun of them.  It’s the tale of the mundane lives of a guild on an MMORPG.  And it’s kind of lulz with how pathetically horrible all of them are.  Well, all of them except Codex, Felicia’s character of course.  So yeah, she’s a geek gamer girl.

She was also in Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, created by Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon.  Wonder why she never wound up on Firefly, but maybe it’s just because there was only room for one hot redhead and Christina Hendricks already filled the role.  Anyway, Dr. Horrible (played by Neil Patrick Harris of Doogie Howser fame) is in love with her and most of his harebraned schemes center around winning her heart.  How romantic.

Along with Lisa Nova (I smell a future bitch of the day there) she’s one of the two queens of new media, and being a new media whore myself (and a fan of redheads) I can’t help but be in love.  The whole geek factor helps too.  Oh, and the fact she’s incredibly hot.  Wow.

Well, here she is… installment number three in my Bitches of Lexx series.  Yeah, this show has so much eyecandy you really have to wonder why anybody watches Star Trek or Fagglestar Gaylactica (not anymore!).

Louise Wischermann plays Lyekka, a man-eating plant creature.  She’s always popping out at unusual times, really hungry, and devouring random fools who accidentally wind up on the Lexx.  Not too shabby of a way to go I guess.

So yeah, Xenia Seeberg, the other bitch from Lexx.  There’s some episode where Zev, played by Eva Habermann ceases to be, and Xenia Seeberg takes over, as “Xev”.  Pronounced the same, spelled with an X.

Hard to say who’s hotter.  Both Zev and Xev are hot in their own way.  Xev dominates the series as far as the number of total episodes, so Zev is quickly forgotten.

Yeah, pretty much, they’re both hot, and both bitch of the day.

I don’t have a whole lot to say about this bitch.  She’s German.  She appeared in the TV show Lexx, where she played a character called Zev Bellringer, originally an ugly, obese woman who was supposed to be turned into a sex slave.  She got the sex slave body but not the sex slave programming.  Oh, and she quickly discovered that after becoming hot, she enjoyed sex.

Yeah, really I don’t know a lot else about her besides that.  Her character was replaced by another actress who may be a future Bitch of the Day.  Other than Lexx she seems to have starred in mostly German shit.

Oh well, she’s hot.

Ladies and gentlemen… Mr. Barack Obonga:

As you can see, he’s already been innagurated (which technically means he’s not the bong-elect but that would’ve messed up my spiffy thread title)

Also note that sargon would hate this photo, not necessarily because of the subject matter, but because I used a flash. *GASP* Looks totally fine to me, though… in fact I’d say the Flash may have enhanced the shininess.

I’m really not sure why I haven’t made this bitch the bitch of the day yet.  She rules.  She plays Deborah Morgan, the sister of title-character Dexter Morgan on Showtime’s Dexter.  I’d like to describe her features as vaguely Asian.  Perhaps her ancestors got raped by Mongolians like Laura Silvernman.

I can’t speak for the real life Jennifer Carpenter, but Deb Morgan swears like a sailor, which for whatever reason is a huge turn-on for me.  Seriously, sometimes it’s hard to believe the shit that comes out of her mouth.  Shit like “Thank the baby fucking Jesus.”  How goddamn motherfucking awesome.  I want to fucking marry this bitch and together we can thank the baby fucking Jesus.

J-Roc has informed me that he does not approve of her new, shorter haircut, but that really doesn’t subtract anything from her overall appeal.  I mean shit yo, she’s motherfucking hot!  It’s a bit concerting that she’s playing a cop, especially one who ostensibly hates pot.  I just have to wonder if she puffs mad bowls after she gets done taping Dexter, going “rofl I play a cop on TV.”  Probably not, but I can dream, can’t I?

Hey Jennifer Carpenter, next time you’re in the general Boulder area I’ll totally puff bowls with you. Continue reading ‘Bitch of the Day: Jennifer Carpenter’

My friend recently returned from a long trip to Germany with a brief stopover in Amsterdam where he was able to acquire this for me.  This beer is a special version of Guinness with a higher ABV (8%) than any other Guinness available.  Supposedly this version is closest to the “traditional” recipe that Guinness was brewed with up until about 100 years ago.

I decided to compare it with a normal Guinness poured from a can.  I thought about going for the Guinness Extra Stout as that’d be a closer comparison, but as this beer is supposedly close to the original Guinness recipe I figured I’d compare it with what most people regard as “Guinness”.

Visually the head is far more bubbly and white on the normal Guinness. I was surprised by how much of a head built up on the Special Export Stout.  It seems to bubble quite a bit more than I remember Guinness Extra doing, and I don’t remember that making much of a head.  The head on this is almost comparable to the one formed from a nitrogenated can, except the bubbles poured from the can make pockmarks all over the surface of the beer.

I’ve never tried sniffing normal Guinness for its aroma, but upon doing so I find it’s virtually absent.  Not so on the Special Export Stout, as there’s a strong, almost raisiny musk which hints at the Guinness flavor.

First sip: holy crap this stuff has an awesome flavor.  What can I say, it’s Guinness but stronger, both in terms of flavor and booze.  Taking a sip of normal Guinness it tastes like water in comparison.  If you like the flavor of Guinness and wish it were stronger and full of more booze, this is certainly the beer for you.

Each time I take a sip of the normal Guinness after taking a sip of the Special Export Stout I can’t help but feel that regular old Guinness is crap in comparison.  The Special Export Stout leaves a lingering aftertaste of the delicious Guinness flavor, and I feel little bubbles bursting all over my mouth.

I don’t know why Guinness doesn’t have a larger distribution for this stuff.  It’s great!  It certainly puts regular Guinness to shame.

and back on the air… she appears to be wearing briefs and licking a razor, ostensibly used to shave her armpits.  Hooottttt….

That is all…

Stone has been releasing a series of beers which culminates in the year 2012.  The beer is released on a day such that the day, month, and year are all the same, so this year’s is 8-8-08.  The last beer will be released on December 12, 2012, which as we all know is exactly 9 days before the end of the Mayan Calendar and thus the entire universe.  Drink ‘em while you got ‘em!  Stone intends for you to age all the verticals until 12-12-12 then open them all at once in an enormous beer orgy they’ve dubbed a “vertical tasting”.

That said I’m drinking one now.  Yay.

8-8-08 is quite the absurd beer.  Like the other verticals I’ve sampled so far, it’s has a hazy golden hue and the sweet yet boozy smell of a Tripel.  The flavor hits you like an IPA and a Tripel at the same time.  It’s got the sweet boozy flavor of a Tripel mixed with the intense hops of an IPA.  I can’t wait to taste this stuff when it’s been aged 4 years.  I expect the hop flavor to mellow out slightly so the classier Tripel flavor can come out a bit more.  That said, drinking just one is enough to get you pretty hammered.  As bottled it’s 8.6% ABV.

That said, an awesome beer.