RowTow 2.0

So yeah, there’s this blog run by retards called listverse and they rocked a stupid as hell Top 10 Films About Alcoholics list which failed unbelievably. Obviously the fools over there don’t drink very much and watch very little movies. They probably made the list by googling for “alcoholic movies”.

We here at rowtow.com said “hey, we’re all alcoholics and we watch far too many movies, we can rock an infinitely better list than these idiots!” and so we did:

#10 – Drunken Master 1 & 2

This series of martial arts movies starring full on rowtow guy Jackie Chan are about a kung fu master who must pound booze in order to kick asses. Sounds like us, only substitute “perform daily tasks” for “kick asses”.

Drunken Master 1 – IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay
Drunken Master 2 – IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#9 -  The Lost Weekend

The story of one guy’s full on bender, it’s famous for the “wandering drunk” scene that gets parodied on tv all the fucking time, like the Simpsons episode where Bart and Milhouse drank a solid syrup squishee.

IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#8 – Days of Wine & Roses

The story of a raging drunk who gets married and then makes his wife into a raging drunk. Pretty fuckin’ rowtow fo sho.

IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – Demonoid

#7 – Pollock

Holy christ, Jackson Pollock was one of the most Rowtow artists of all time. The guy pounded booze like none other and even rocked a piss in Peggy Guggenheim’s fire place during a hoity toity party for fine arts patrons. He died in a booze induced car wreck. He’s pretty much what Kreig would be if he was an artist.

IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#6 – Strange Brew & Beerfest

Two movies about dudes who like beer and the shenanigans involved in pursuing the love of beer.

Strangebrew is a spin off of Second City TV featuring the characters made famous by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas. Basically two hosers who try to scam some free beer from the Ellsinor Brewery and stumble into a mad science plot involving mind control and hockey players. Seriously, this is like the Trailer Park Boys of the 80s.

Beerfest was the most recent project of the guys from Broken Lizard. A team of Americans train to kick Germany’s ass in the World Beerfest, kind of the Olympics of Beer. It’s pretty stupid but it’s got plenty of full on Rowtow moments.

Strange Brew – IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay
Beerfest – IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#5 – You Kill Me

Ben Kingsley plays a hitman for the Polish mob up in upstate New York who fucks up a hit and is sent to the Bay Area to dry out by his Uncle. Out there he starts kickin’ it at AA meetings and hooks up with Tea Leoni. Luke Wilson plays his sponsor. It’s pretty aight especially for the fact that it features the Polish mob.

IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#4 – Bad Santa

Billy Bob Thornton plays a sketchy drunk who works as a mall Santa as a cover for robbing the mall every year. Things get complicated when he starts being a father figure to a young boy and the mall hires Bernie Mac as a security officer. Most Rowtow scene? The part where he pulls up to the mall, opens his car door and a bunch of empty beer bottles fall out. FULL ON KREIG BERRY STYLE SHIT.

IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#3 – Leaving Las Vegas

Nicolas Cage is an alcoholic writer whose life falls apart due to his drinking. So he cashes everything in and drinks himself to death in Las Vegas. Elizabeth Shue plays the hooker that falls in love with him. This is pretty much where Cy’s gonna be at in 10 years, only minus Elizabeth Shue.

IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#2 – Arthur

Dudley Moore (an alcoholic himself) plays a liquored up millionaire playboy who must chooze between his fortune and marrying Liza Minelli. Sounds like something that would definitely make me drink!

IMDB – Wikipedia - Amazon – The Pirate Bay

#1 – Barfly & Factotum

The OG hipster alcoholic by far is Charles Bukowski. Pretty much the guy rocks the full on Kreig Berry lifestyle of boozing 24/7 and hooking up with sketchy women. Occasionally he writes stories and poems. I dunno if Kreig does that, but seriously you can’t get more Rowtow. That and Barfly has fuckin’ MICKEY ROURKE as the main character.

Barfly – IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – Mininova
Factotum – IMDB – Wikipedia – Amazon – The Pirate Bay