Doubt we’ll ever make ‘em but what do you think:
Monthly Archive for July, 2008
For when you just have to throw a pint glass at a friend.
Here’s the latest scoop on alex’s adventures in failing:
Alex hates Kreig. Kreig hates Alex. So you’d think inviting the two of them to breakfast at Dougherty’s would be an idea that most people would reject outright.
Any how, Alex got pissed at Kreig, got into some manner of fisticuffs with him, which went unnoticed by bar security, then 5 minutes later chucked a pint glass of water at Kreig, missing him but beaning Cy on the noggin. Luckily for all involved, but especially Cy, the glass did not shatter and Cy was just left with a sore jaw.
Alex and Kreig were then both 86′d permanently from the establishment, with Alex returning 10 minutes later wearing a “disguise” of a new shirt and sunglasses, claiming he needed to find his cellphone. He was then forcibly removed from the bar by the owner/cook/bouncer, who threatened to beat him up.
All in all a sucessful day for Alex.
it never got weird enough.
Some kid baked up some cookies and candy, laced them with LSD and gave them to a bunch of police stations under the ruse of being a gift from Mothers Against Drunk Drivers! At least 3 officers have gotten “sick”, or had mind blowing, life changing experiences that will enrich their spiritual and/or intellectual lives for years to come.
A College student is holding the Eucharist hostage from a catholic church. Let me explain something, if you’re not familiar with Catholicism: Catholics believe in a miracle of transubstantiation, which is that after the communion wafer is blessed by a priest, it transubstantiates into the flesh of Christ. So by taking this blessed wafer this guy is holding the flesh of Christ hostage, to these Catholics. To everyone else he’s holding a crappy tasting cracker hostage.
Sascha Baron Cohen, aka Ali G/Borat, is filming a new movie for his character “Bruno” which promises to do everything with homophobia that Borat did for mainstream American prejudice to foreigners and minorities. As one of his pranks he booked two fake UFC style cage fights in Arkansas and advertised low ticket prices + dollar beer. The retarded hicks who showed up were horribly shocked to find that instead of two half naked men beating the shit out of each other, they were instead watching two half naked men make passionate love to each other.
I just copied it directly this time, so start at the bottom and work your way up.
The biggest racist piece of shit ever to serve in our Senate finally kicked the bucket this past friday, appropriately it was Independence Day here in America, I can think of no better way to celebrate our freedom than by having this douchebag shuffle off this planet.
I may be taking this whole thing a little personally, due to sharing the same first name with this asshole, but here’s probably the best image to memorialize Jesse Helms:
Andres Serrano’s Piss Christ, Jesse Helms’ favorite work of art.
I caught Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson at the Esquire Theatre this weekend and it was one of the most excellent biographies of the man that I’ve seen. The film boastes a bevy of impressive interviews with people who you’d expect: Ralph Steadman, Thompson’s Ex-Wife Sandi, Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner, Hells Angels honcho Sonny Barger, etc; but it also features a number of surprising interviewees: Jimmy Carter, George McGovern and Patrick Buchanan (!).
The movie is full of excellent archival footage of Dr. Thompson combined with dramatic reenactments of his writing, narrated by longtime friend Johnny Depp, in addition to a great deal of Ralph Steadman’s atwork and clips from the two movie adaptions of Thompson’s work, Where the Buffalo Roam and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
The story is a straight forward narrative Thompson’s life from his early days of writing about the Hells Angels and the birth of “gonzo” to the Aspen Sheriff’s campaign and up through his mainstream breakthrough covering the 1972 McGovern campaign and his winning endorsement of Jimmy Carter’s canidacy.
It ends on a somber note, reflecting on the inevitable violent end of his own life that he’d predicted for years, culminating in him taking his own life.
Thompson himself wrote his own eulogy better than anyone could have years ago in his novel Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:
There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
5 out of 5 stars, Two Thumbs Up, whatever movie reviewers are supposed to say. Go see it now.
More to come!
RowTow has long enjoyed a little game that we call “What’s Gayer?” An example of this game would be “What’s gayer – Two dudes sucking eachother off 69 style and simultaneously climaxing in eachothers mouths or Brian Ford?” Brian Ford, of course. At any rate, turns out our girl Katy Perry also enjoys this game. Peep the video.